What are you most looking forward to? I love asking this to parents when we begin talking. It lets them visualize what life could be like in a few weeks when their baby is sleeping soundly through the night. For most, they just want baby to be happy and healthy, yeah yeah yeah. For most truuuuly, they just want to sleep! Once the first few blissful mornings have passed, where they wake up and realize it’s been 10 hours uninterrupted, they start to discover that a well-rested baby brings some unexpected benefits…a fast favorite is to leave baby overnight with Grandma and Grandpa.
There’s something absolutely magical about sleepovers. Spending the night somewhere outside your own home can have a very intimate quality to it. Whether you’re a young kid spending the night at a friend’s house, the first time you and your partner sleep in the same bed, or the first time you stay in a hotel by yourself; sleeping somewhere forges an emotional connection, and for grandparents, having their grandchildren sleep in their home is beyond special. For parents, it’s finally their time! Not having enjoyed luxury time for quite a while by this point. This is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of a reliable, enthusiastic (and usually free!) overnight babysitter without feeling too guilty for taking time away from baby.
OK, sentiment aside, lets talk tips. Now obviously, some grandparents are going to be completely awesome, wonderful and fully compliant with all of your warranted requests. But not all of them. Some have very, shall we sayyy, entrenched views on parenting. It can be a bit of a balancing act to insist that your parents respect your little one’s schedule and sleeping arrangements while still respecting their role as experienced caregivers.
First, Respect your elders
Remember, these are not rookies. They’re seasoned veterans who that have been through everything you’re going through right now
Second, Be authentic
So many parents try to play parenthood off as if they’ve got everything under control at all times, even with their own parents. If anyone knows how tough raising a child is, it’s grandparents; so don’t be shy to let them know how difficult it was to function when your baby was waking every hour and how hard you’ve worked to fix it. Understanding the emotional investment you’ve put into solving your babe’s sleep issues will help them feel a personal commitment to the routine!
Third, Explain the incentives
Grandparents crave interaction with their grandkids. I mean they absolutely crave it. They’re like baby-interaction vampires (not that anyone could blame them (: ) Smiles and giggles and burps from a baby are wonderful to anyone, but to that baby’s grandparents they are positively life-affirming. As such, they tend to keep baby awake for longer than they should… * especially true in the case of newborns, who typically can only handle about 45mins to and hour of awake time before they need another nap.
The best approach to this in particular is to say “the better she sleeps the better she acts” vs. the age-old, “she’ll sleep when she’s tired.” Explain that waiting TOO long, makes them more upset.
Next, Share your experience
If you’ve already got your baby sleeping and napping well, then you know what a difference it makes to their personality. Personally, I couldn’t get over how happy of a baby I had, how easy she was to hang out with and direct. Parenting was exponentially more enjoyable when my little one was always in a good mood. I wanted to be around my baby all minutes of the day that I could because she was FUN; rather than dreading nap and bed-time attempts and dealing with the messy after-math of a crabby, overtired baby.
Make sure you let your parents know how much more enjoyable their time will be together if they just adhere to the schedule. Laying down the law and making ultimatums around bedtime and nap schedules won’t be as effective with them as appealing to their caring and nurturing tendencies.
And Lastly,
Equate sleeping with Feeding
If there’s one thing a grandma won’t abide, it’s a hungry baby! Putting sleep on par with feeding priority-wise can help ensure that the same level of dedication get devoted to getting baby down for naps and in bed on time. So when you’re going over the babysitting guidelines, remember to stress those two things when they’re taking care of their grandchild.
One last thing, I will mention- there’s a good chance your parents might end up guilty of some sabotage…if baby wakes up at night and cries for example, they might respond immediately and feed them back to sleep. Or they might let your toddler sleep in their big, comfy bed with them, or hold them and rock them to sleep at bedtime.
That can cause some serious anxiety for a parent who’s invested quite a bit of time, effort and emotional capital into breaking those sleep associations. However, if this happens there’s no need to panic and call off all future sleepovers. Babies, even newborns, are surprisingly adept at recognizing different sleeping environments and understanding the rules in them. So just because they get rocked to sleep once at grandma’s house doesn’t mean that they’re going to revert back to that expectation when you get home. If they’ve developed some strong independent sleep skills, they’ll be back to normal pretty much immediately.
So don’t lose your mind if your mom tells you she let baby fall asleep on her chest. A gentle suggestion that she not do it all the time, combined with the reminder that you know how hard it is to resist a baby falling asleep on you, should be all that’s needed.
Did this bring up any questions or concerns for you? Would love to talk-